live.laugh.love

so, uhmm.. flery said yes to daniel last monday.. i just found out because flery and i aren't talking.. so uhm, i want to say sorry to flery now.. by letter on friday[tomorrow].. but i would be seeing her on saturday for practices.. and what if she would say no? it would be soo akward cause we are standing next to eachother in our presentation.. i already shared this with mina i think, but i wanna share it to you too.. whoever you are.. haha.. it's funny cause when you think you're friends, she backstabs you and when you find out you start ignoring her and she stops backstabbing.. right? haha.
so another person i've been meaning to write to is.. well, him. i want to tell him! if he doesn't feel the same way, well i guess i need closure.. but he's not the lettery-type of guy. i heard once in 6th grade, a girl wrote her a letter and he tore it into pieces without reading it.. uhhh.. what do i do?!?
last tuesday, my guy/gay friends told me that this girl i hate sent them text messages, cursing and stuff because of what happened on my friend's birthday.. they rode the first tricycle that came and left the girl because there were so many of them and it was getting late and they were at montiville, which is a bit far from their homes.. so it's probably not a biggie, but i totally hate that girl and i'm sure the reason she texted guys is because guys don't fight girls.. so this morning at recess she was on my seat which was in front of my guy friend whom she texted and didn't even say sorry to and i was all, "hey you. get off my chair!" lol. wasn't that mean, but she was so embarrassed. was that so mean?. tsk tsk. xp

Once i let go, that's it. It's done. There won't be a second change after I choose not to hold on because it's up to me right now. If i keep holding on, maybe he will too. But I'm holding on by a thread and i'm getting tired. i just want to know if I should cut it now, or keep my heart dangling, waiting for an answer.

so uhm, do i have to say it? i'm too sad to actually say it but i said i would, so without further ado..
she said he said no. then i asked emerson, he said that he said yes. now i'm confused. but by the way he acts arounds me, it's bound to have been a no. a big fat no.
i keep wondering where did i go wrong or maybe i didn't go wrong at all, maybe things are going to turn out the way they're meant to and nothing's gonna to stop them. some things are easy to control and work out. but some things you just have to let go. so instead of asking why itturned out like this, i should accept that it is how it is. there is no way to change it, but there are little things that make me happy, and those are the ones i should be holding on to.

i've been so lazy these days. today we had new lessons and lots of copying but i didn't copy, and our notebooks were gonna be checked before the signing of clearance slips but still, i didn't really care. and then for recess and after school i ate maltesers, knickknacks, mango shake[the big one] and pringles and i feel like such a pig. daniel was bored so he talked to arnem and i was "secretly" listening..

daniel: nem, gusto mo pa rin kay vanessa?
arnem: ...
and then emerson came in...
emerson: gusto mo pa si vanessa, oo o hindi?
arnem: [his voice was low]
and then cj comes in..
cj: [in an overly sarcastic and loud voice] arnem, gusto mo pa rin ba si vanessa?
arnem:...
cj: part, lakasan mo para marinig ni vanessa!

pwaha. so my eavesdropping skills are zero. i asked tessa to ask him if what i heard was true. so i'll be saying what his reply was tomorro cause i don't wanna have another assumption.
i'm having a black valentine's with tessa, vanessa spain and her gay bestfriend who happens to have the biggest crush on rigel, we're all gonna wear black on the 14th and go to the park and mope about not having lovers. haha, okay. scratch the last part. :)
fuuuccckkk. my former and his girlfriend broke up and he's being friendly with me again.. good thing i found out.. lmfao. me? vanessa marie lim? a rebound? yucckkk.
we watched the boys in their shorts kanina playing basketball for pehm and cj had skinny, white, hairless, clear legs so basically all the girls were cheering on him. haha. but tessa, val and i just had a photoshoot. camwhores. ^__^
today is ayessa's birthday. she was the very first person to know that i'm emo back in 6th grade. she was always the one confronting me. she was always the one fighting me. but she was always the one who said sorry. good times. back in elementary, backstabbing was never done between all of us. we confronted, and we had fights but we were all true. but in high school, chyea, we hang out, laugh, talk and stuff but we backstab, and that is just so depressing.

random fact: i put my finger in my mouth and make popping sounds.

i stayed up until 2 in the morning last night, so i was too lazy to get up for school. we were just gonna have a mass and then a little program after for teachers' day, and then go home. so i don't think i missed anything, except for my attendance. i didn't have anything to do today, so i just vacuumed my room and watched the oc after. im so bored. i went on hexrpg.com and had some homework, i was too lazy so i just c&p, and i got 7/10 on dada and transfiguration. boo me. bored.bored.bored. i already memorized my flute stuffs, and my stuff are already ready for tomorrow. what else should i do? hmm.. quotes? >_<
The first time you fall in love it changes you forever. No matter how hard you try, the feelings never go away.

It's a horrible feeling, holding on when you know you should be letting go.

We scream our insecurities but mutter our apologies. And that's why the world will always be so wrong.

I'm the kind of girl who will try and brighten your day up with a joke, even when I can't seem to brighten up my own.

In the end, you're just a typical guy, dragging a girl along, because you're not really sure what you want.

You have three choices in your life, give in, give up, or give it your all.

please visit. super funny.
i did my nails last night after updating. i was in my dad's room and i was watching eat bulaga cause nothing good was on. oops, bubble gang pala. dumbo me. then i fell asleep.
i woke up the next day at 6, and slept again, woke up and got to watch astigs. that should be on primetime, not palos/kungfu kids/lobo. the ending for patayin, as told by my twin sister, was stoopid. uh, why did susan roces tell jodi so stop just then? so stupid. nothing is ever good on television.. or so i though. gossip girl will be on etc next month! yeahhh.
so uhm, i woke up and my nails were smudged. so valerie and i went out in the afternoon at kimsan to check out this new makeup stand at kimsan and i saw this uber-coolio shade of yellow, but it cost 60 pesos and the brand was new to me, so i might not like it.. so i just bought pastel yellow from bobbie. yesterday, my nails were actually gold. hehe. now, they're yellow and my toes are pink, both pastel. love pastel. :) then i was doing my nails and practicing my flute for the rest of the afternoon which seemed like forever. i lost 1 kilo. our scale doesn't measure by pounds but i think that's more or less.. 96lbs. :)
uhh i hate it when my parents go out of town, i aksed my dad to buy me slippers and socks and asked him again when he was coming home, he didn't reply on the second mesage. they're both like that. pshh. parents.
i miss yssa so much, boo-hoo. my friend had a party at her house, i didn't come cause tessa was at a wedding and flery was there. called ariel for ate cam and found out that flery's mom was out of town and she was coming back on wednesday, and flery and precious and my new crush[rigel], this guy who's courting flery[daniel] and arnem went to flery's house. and they went to flery's bedroom. and the guys fooled around and tried to take off rigel's pants. BLEAH. i don't know why i actually give a shit but i just see it as a.. bitchy thing for the two girls to do, i mean, two girls and three guys. i just don't feel too good with being outnumbered/alone with guys. i'm in trauma with that because of this thing i experienced last 2006.[grammar, i know.]

random fact: i NEVER liked, and used sTicKy CaPs.

at last. i remember iming my elementary teacher and he told me that i'm the kind of person who's naturally smart but just doesn't prioritize studying. lmao. but i wanted to be better this quarter, so i actually studied last wednesday night and last night as well, and i'm feeling good with my scores. but not math, math is so difficult. i don't even need that for college 'cause i know i'm not taking a course that has math. haha. i wanna be a seawoman. haha, right? but i'm too short for that, i stand below 5ft. shortie me. xp.last night i was tempted to drink coffee cause i was effin sleepy, but i wanted to grow taller, so i slept at 7 and set my alarm on my phone to 8:30. but i forgot to switch it to pm. so i woke up at 9:50. and i studied for bio and religion til 2:30. funny, i'm not feeling sleepy AT ALL today. prolly cause i ate. boo me. biology wasn't that hard, but religion was. it had an essay, my studying for religion was just memorizing unlike in social studies, understanding. so yeah, i flunked my religion test.
our teacher said we still had a test during the afternoon, turns out, she only made us come to school to clean. well of course I don't clean. EVER. so i just took pictures and stuff. and after that we had flute practice and i was standing next to flery. i wanted to push her so bad but there were three teachers in front of us. sigh. and then we went to Sean's, and Precious introduced us to her boyfriend. my first imp: he was overconfident. i had a crush on him when we were still doing taekwondo, and he was my senior. anyway, did something very weird today. bought underwear at novo with tessa and val.. what's novo? exactly. lol.
during free period Kristan came up to me and then said that he would introduce me to arnem[translation: he's gonna grab our hands and make us hold eachother's] so i ran. lol. then later, i was listening to my chemical romance - i'm not okay so basically it was very loud and i was looking down at my yellow nails[lol] and he brought arnem to me and i was at the corner of the class room so i just calledmy teacher's attention. haha , then later kristan said, "sayang van, sasabihin ko pa naman sana yung secret namin ni arnem" and they smiled at eachother. i asked kristan if it was about me and he grinned and said "secret!". fcuk it. now i'm effin curious.

this is absolutely the worst day of my life.
i went to school late and we had our convocation and the ranks and stuff..
everyone got lower. especially me!
i was 48th. i'm the stupidest person in all of the second years.
so the 1st honor was shariah again and the 2nd honor last quarter fell to the 9th.
my new crush didn't make it again. he used to be 3rd but well.. he slacked off. sigh.
he got a haircut today and he was so cute. haha.
we had math right after that and recess, and then we watched this film about the body systems for our two-hour period in biology. tessa and i just slept and i woke up with a very sore neck.
boo me. i ate 2 pieces of bread for lunch and by the way, i had cream-o and milo for recess. boo me.
so for filipino i was so sleepy but i wanted to participate but i was really, really tired cause i stayed up all night last night doing my english project.
speaking of, after filipino i was really looking forward to english 'cause we were gonna watch the notebook but our teacher wasn't there.. we waited 30 minutes and he told us to go down to the 2nd floor to watch the movie. duuhhh. 30 minutes na lang, so basically it sucked. that's like my 2nd favorite movie and we watch 30 minutes of it and he wants us to make a story grammar/report about it. stupid teacher.
for religion, we just talked about the movie we watched last week, passion. and we had an activity and homework. at least i can handle the work load for religion. lol.
then after that i went with tessa their trainer's studio coz i wanted to see arnem dance. what's wrong with that? gawd, it's not like i'm flirting/making pa-cute again. he is long over. and fle was all "halata yung paghabol ni vanessa kay arnem no?" to precious.
jeebuz, and when we talk it's like nothing's up.
i hate that.
yeah, i do backstab, but when i do that i'm not plastic with those who i say stuff about. i confront them, say sorry to them and most of the time, just ignore them. die flerida! die!
i am who i am, i don't give a shit about what that bitch says. i really hate her now.


i have school stuffs to get done so, byerz!

my disease is back. the one where i study late at night because i was on the compuer all day. pshh, i need to pull myself together. it was my nanny's wedding today and i wish i could've come but i had yfc love conference. it was okay, i cried, as usual and i slept for a couple of hours, okay, 3 hours. haha. february is coming. i have some things tolook forward to that month:
9th family day - i'm part of a flute presentation. haha
14th - valentine's day slash my sister Tracy's 23rd birthday
clearance signing and ndea and i think final exam. pshh.
i'm addicted to hexrpg.com . it's a hogwarts role playing game slash forum site. i'm a slytherin. be jealous. XD
people think of me as this girl who talks all the time and hates silence but really, i loove silence. i hate it when people talk. especially to me. i hate noise. there are just times that i feel like talking but i'm more of a quiet person. and some people have noticed that in school now. i don't talk super loud during math, filipino and even RECESS now. uh-may-zing. vanessa? quiet? really? lol.

i got a lot on my to-do list already. final quarter stress is starting... i have just one project, pero it would take me long hours to make. reading reports again. 3 short stories to be handed in on monday. and our exams are gonna be sometime this month slash next month. so let's just say i lost five points on my average grade on one of my major subjects. not the 90[point]THIS but the whole number part[90].. gets? well, i don't really wanna say the grade and subject cause it's too damn disappointing. well, i have already studied for my quiz in araling panlipunan and computer tomorrow but i need to study more. so i guess this blog would be on hiatus for a while? i guess. i have to focus on school again. i'm not even reading normal books no more all i read are textbooks and notebooks. ^__^ yey me!
we had our class picture today. i looked so dumb. especially on the freestyle. sigh. i started blogging.. 2006. two years na! my first was on friendster but that wasn't real, i just posted quotes there. haha. my first real one was on diaryland, then xanga-i spent months over there. i loved that blog... and then.. i tried multiply for a while and ended up here na. hihi. i've changed so much in writing pala. haha. :)
well, bye-bye for now! be back in a while.

nagkita na kami ni yssa kagabi. yey. sobrang na miss ko talaga siya tapos sinabihan niya nanaman ako, "van.. tumataba ka nanaman". haay kaya nga kailangang seryosohin ko na talaga yung problema na yun. isa pa nga palang problema, my goosh, kung saan-saan na ako napadpad ngayong araw na to, fit mart, mercury, sa parlor, simbahan.. pero ni hindi ko man lang nabuklat ang libro ko sa araling panlipunan, may quiz pa kami bukas. unang period. ang tanga ko talaga. anong oras na? alas otso 45. haha, ang hina ko talaga sa tagalog. sige gagawin ko lang tong layout ko tapos mag-aaral na ako. nga pala, share naman kayo ng study tips oh.. sobrang naiinis ako sa sarili ko ang hirap-hirap kasi para sa akin na magstudy.. huhu

i thought this saturday was gonna be my free day.. but since we filled up our ndea answer sheets all morning yesterday, our quiz for computer and araling panlipunan would be on monday. at least i have time to study, right? but noo. today we cleaned up my mother's house and tomorrow i'm cleaning my room here at my fadurr's. and i just came home from kimsan, did grocery shopping. psshhh.
at 5:30 mom's gonna have a prayer meeting at yssa's. we're gonna meet again and just hang. so how's your weekend going?
P.S. have you read my quote of the day today? it's funny. XD

She looks in the mirror and pokes at her thighs.
She slides her hands over her stomach,
and she smiles as her hand glides over a bone.
Not a morsel of food will pass her lips.

She looks as if the slightest breeze will blow her away.
As if the slightest touch would break her.
So pale and fragile looking, yet so elegant.
Not a morsel of food will pass her lips.

i need to lose weight now. i'm through with binging and eating like a pig. i need to lose weight or else i wouldn't be able to fit into my clothes. you could say i'm raving again, but it's true. it's better to be skinny, i mean, you have a wider variety of clothes, you feel more confident and you're not picked on. i'm surrounded by these people who wouldn't care basta they'd pick on the unfortunate ones. and in this case, i'm one of them. dati, "val, why does vanessa have a lot of pimples?" and now, "van, konti nalang kasing laki mo na si val." i have a big tummy, so when i told sha i was getting fat, she was like, "mataba ka?" uhm yeah, botod ako. it sucks.



jinelle went to the third years' building at recess kanina. she was asking for her teddy back, so i wrote on it, right? well tessa already knows that jinelle's mad at me for some reason i don't know why-why i know she's hating me? because all her friends whom i used to be friends with started hating me too, but when they fight, they're nice to me again. get it?- so tessa made jinelle hate me even more by telling na ako yung sumulat, pwede namang "nakita ko nalang na may sulat" kasi she didn't really see me write on it, i just showed her what was written. that's what i would've done 'cause i got her back. and i thought she had mine. biatch.
you probably hate me for thinking this way now, please excuse me. wala ako sa mood right now.

i actually went on blogger tonight to delete the first part of my previous post but then.. i just love laughing at my mistakes. i have been so terribly addicted to surveys lately na i curse every time i see the max no. of bulletins has been exceeded thingy shows up. so uhm.,, i don't watch patayin sa sindak si barbara, coz we have a patayin sa kindat si barbara in our room. soo much fun chatting with them guys[to the ignorant i mean guys by my classmates, not just boys but bs&gs]. today was a hot day. but stuff worked out well, i think. so my fadurr was in a good mood this morning and gave me 100 pesos for my baon, and i didn't have change for my fare sa tricycle so i had to bring the 100-pso bill to school.-you see, when i save up, like now, i bring 12 pesos to school just for my fare to keep myself from spending- but i gave in to temptation.. so this afternoon i checked my pocket and i only had.... six pesos. and wala kaming recess sa hapon, take note. i'm saving up for.. spending again. hihi.
so today i was one of the prayer leaders during the rosary.. i guess that's why my day turned out right. so, flery and i reconciled but she's still uncomfortable around me.. and i noticed, every subject i sit next to the person checking his test paper[No Permanent Seat ako] and every subject, we're groupmates. for english we were supposed to make a poem about flowers, i just got one online and edited it. i know it's wrong, pero.. flowers? i don't like flowers.
do you know jinelle cheza ouano? 3rd year of ndtc, graduate from st. john spent freshie and sophie years at addu, owns edjin pension house.. anyway, tessa's related to her and we found out that she was gonna be asbent today 'cause she's gonna be a bridesmaid. and our building overlooks the church. :D christmas party--jinelle left a stuffed toy she just received that day and valerie took it thinking it was our classmate's, now we can't give it back coz well.. she hates me and i have no idea why, we used to be playmates back in elementary.. so the teddy bear's name is cheza.. lol. and i wrote "property of st. rose" on it and put our section's "st.rose" shirt on it. dismissal. went to the ladies' room with tessa, val and precious. waited outside and peeked at church. rushed back to the cr and yelled, "yabz! yabz! si cheza! naka dress!" and i saw the ex. hell she couldn't get out of the room 'cause i was standing by the dor. : ) so tessa is my yabz, no, i ain't a lezbo. it's just for fun. 4 months nang "kami". after i got home i watched the hunchback of notre dame on vhs because i read somewhere that i would see i belle of beauty and the beast and aladin.. wala naman.. on i don't think i looked any different from my freshman year..
soo.. how was your day??

flag ceremony- we didn't sing tacurong hymn. bwaha. he stood up front, making iwas again, 'eh?
araling panlipunan-groupmates kami ni *toot*. and Flery was such a bitch to me. my exam score-34/50 boo-hoo
math- sige, magharutan lang kayo jan!
recess-saw his ex. and Fle was so trying to be innocent, but she can't really pull it off.
biology- groupmates nanaman. ahah, kala mo gusto ka ng kapatid ko?! jerk!
filipino-i wanna kill my filipino teacher.
english-thinking.. imagining my short story
religion-found out about his little secret. i'm a whole lot worse!

sorry bout that, i'm currently in my "moving on" stage kasi.. read on. this next one's gonna be "safer". :)
when i was in elementary, i was so maarte and everyone hated that about me. whenever i wanted to change, they would be like, "si vanessa? magbago? himala", "ows?" "imposible yan!" they kept holding me back, and now i can't change because i fear what others would think of me. uhh
i'm wasting my life. it's never supposed to be all about ar but then.. he's there. there are more things to life, i know. and i'm scared that i might die tomorrow not being able to do what i need to. i need to let go of the things that don't make me happy and i should take life daily, make each beautiful moment last... but i'm all wrong! time to get my act straight up.
are you gonna watch patayin sa sindak si barbara? i want to, but i'm all alone in my room at night. sigh. how was your first day of school this 2008? c'mon, tell me. :)